Regeneration

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- “One Art” by Elizabeth Bishop

I love Claire Bennet. Sure, maybe Beth Cooper is more sultry and seductive than Claire, but Beth can’t regenerate like Claire does.

Seriously, I like Hayden. And I really like her Claire character from Heroes. Somehow, I can relate to her (no, I don’t relate to her that way; the last time I checked, I’m still not spontaneously regenerating).

It’s just that recently, I did get hurt. Not physically though. See, I have been so hard on myself because someone close to me was about to say goodbye, and I was in fact fearing that we would be out of each other’s lives for good. And to make matters worst, I did something stupid: something so disrespectful to my friend that caused him to be crazy mad at me. It seems that I couldn’t apologize enough. And maybe I never could.

After that I realized… well, thought that I was feeling a bit more affectionate than what I should for that friend. That I was in love. And maybe I was. And perhaps I still am.

And that’s what hurts the most. To know that I screwed things up. I would never mind carrying an unrequited feeling (whatever that is) for him, just as long as I know I would still be able to talk to him from time to time; to have the knowledge that I would still be able to hear from him some time in the future. To somehow feel that I made an impact in his life; and that perhaps, on some level, I mattered to him.

So I was down for the next few days. Or for about five minutes, I can’t really recall. But I found myself teary eyed during those times when I’m being reminded of what has transpired. That a tie has just been severed between me and a friend.

My best friend, Phoebe, told me that I should be used to this. And I know that. That future ties to be would be severed too; that I should be able to handle goodbyes easily by now. And that, it doesn’t matter, really. Like Ms. Bishop said, it wasn’t a disaster at all

And so now, I’d say I’ve regenerated. Emotionally. Maybe not Wolverine fast kind of healing; it was more of a Claire Bennet-esque regeneration. I got hurt, I felt pain, and I just got over it quickly.

To my friend, thank you for this life lesson I learned.