Poem Pimping: Ganito Mo Ako Dapat Mahalin

Here is a poem written by Kaycee, she's a friend of mine in college. I like this poem. It has a very demanding tone. To me it's like telling your romantic partner, love me this way, because you know I am worth it. At least to me, the poem brings the aura "because you know I am worth it". Is it the same for you guys? Perhaps I just know Kaycee well, that she's gonna be worth it when she falls. Or maybe she just found the right blend of words for her poem. Basta. I like this poem. Oh, and the poem can be found here too.

Ganito Mo Ako Dapat Mahalin
by Kaycee
Kung gusto mo akong mahalin
Susuyurin mo ang aking kaluluwa
At iyong hahanapin ang tunay kong kulay
Maliban sa kahel na agad mong natatanaw
Dapat mong makita ang pula, ang asul
Ang dilaw, ang puti, at ang itim
Na mga kulay rin ng aking pagkatao
Pupunasan mo ang dungis sa aking mukha
Ng walang pag-aalinlanga't pag-aatubili
Gagamutin mo ang mga sugat kong natamo
Mula sa pagkakadapa sa madilim na kahapon
Hahawakan mo ako ng maigi't maingat
At iiwasang madapa't masugatang muli
Sasaluhin mo ang mga tubig na papatak
Mula sa mga matang naghihinagpis
Didiligan mo ng ngiti ang aking mga labi
At paliliguan ang bawat sandali ng halakhak
Hahaplusin mo ang tumigas kong puso
Hanggang sa ito'y lumambot at tumibok muli
Yayakapin mo ako ng buong-buo
Hanggang sa kayang abutin ng iyong mga bisig
Hindi simple't madali itong aking hiling
Pero ganito mo lang ako dapat mahalin.

Ready

I am so not ready.

It was Thursday afternoon, I think, when my BFF, Phoebe, and I got the chance to meet up and talk again. Our conversation led to her theory on how relationships are formed. It was a simple yet a really profound statement. She said that in a romantic relationship, one always gets the partner that he deserves.

Something pinched me in the heart while hearing that. I must confess that for the past few days, I have been sort of impatient, and excited I guess, at the thought of being romantically involved with someone. No, I have always maintained that I am not an emotional person, and that maybe, being 25, and not having so many experiences when it comes to relationships and finally realizing that made me all worked up in my own issues of the heart (or lack thereof).

See, I believe in Will’s relationship theory: one is the gardener and one has to be the flower in a relationship. I intend to be a gardener. But before doing so, I have to be strong enough to do so. I have to be ready and be responsible enough for that gardener gig.

But, no. I am so not ready. But I am getting there. Hopefully, when the partner that I want to deserve me comes along, I already am the person I want me to be.

Pre-Valentine Cases Part 5: My BFF's BF

My best friend, Phoebe, was talking about her boyfriend.

“He’s super nice,” she says, “on my birthday, he got my workstation decorated with flowers and sent me freshly cut roses.”

“You hate freshly cut roses,” I said, raising an eyebrow, “you’d rather receive something that’ll last more that a week.”

“He knows,” she replied, “he sent me fake flowers before the real thing. He says he can’t help it. He’s just really nice.”

“Aha! Nice. Why do I get the feeling that your personality is way stronger than him?” I asked.

“Yeah. I wish he would’ve been more decisive whenever we go out. I told Leng at one point I already want out of this relationship. But he was just so nice, I had to give this a shot”

And with that reply, I knew Phoebe made up her mind already. I ain’t so sure about her heart though. I am still getting the vibe that she’s half-hearted getting in the relationship she’s in right now. Oh well. It seems she’ll be the one who will be breaking someone else’s heart if things didn’t work out.

The Insanity of Crushing on Someone so Badly

Remember this poem? Apparently, it did not fade. Yeah, I got the chance to talk online with one of my closest friend back in college, Karla. It was crazy. Or at least, I am crazy. Here’s the chat transcript. Just deleted some parts na di naman related sa topic ng poem.

daggerdeeds (9:29:09 PM): oist
daggerdeeds (9:29:33 PM): single and negotiable talaga status mo ah
iamthe******* (9:29:43 PM): hahaha
iamthe******* (9:29:46 PM): ok ba?
iamthe******* (9:31:03 PM): :-<>straight all the time naman talaga...
daggerdeeds (9:53:23 PM): kuha mo ba yung pun...?
daggerdeeds (9:53:26 PM): heheheh
daggerdeeds (9:53:28 PM): oo nga
daggerdeeds (9:53:45 PM): sinasaniban ako ni bella
iamthe******* (9:53:55 PM): hahaha
daggerdeeds (9:53:55 PM): he's my edward cullen. sana
iamthe******* (9:54:03 PM): well... i read the buk
daggerdeeds (9:54:08 PM): ako rin
iamthe******* (9:54:10 PM): and......
daggerdeeds (9:54:16 PM): pang tweenies kaya yung book
iamthe******* (9:54:21 PM): i didn't like it as much
daggerdeeds (9:54:23 PM): pero ok naman
daggerdeeds (9:54:34 PM): grabeh eh, obsession
iamthe******* (9:54:35 PM): maxadong teenage flick
daggerdeeds (9:54:51 PM): kaya siguro ganito ako kay *******
iamthe******* (9:54:52 PM): mature na nga talaga ako
iamthe******* (9:55:01 PM): because?
daggerdeeds (9:55:20 PM): side effect ng pagbabasa ng twilight
daggerdeeds (9:55:24 PM): hehehehhe
daggerdeeds (9:55:29 PM): :D
iamthe******* (9:55:30 PM): hahahaha
iamthe******* (9:55:49 PM): baka ur like physically attracted to him
daggerdeeds (9:55:55 PM): na internalize ko yung character ni bella
iamthe******* (9:56:03 PM): i mean i feel the same way towards josh hartnett
daggerdeeds (9:56:07 PM): yes. physically. oo
daggerdeeds (9:56:30 PM): pero kahit kelan, do ko sya hinubaran sa isip ko
daggerdeeds (9:56:35 PM): di*
iamthe******* (9:56:54 PM): wohow....
iamthe******* (9:56:59 PM): /:)
daggerdeeds (9:57:04 PM): oo
daggerdeeds (9:57:07 PM): i swear
iamthe******* (9:57:13 PM): now that's another story
daggerdeeds (9:57:16 PM): kaya nga eh
iamthe******* (9:57:33 PM): it didn't even occur to me
iamthe******* (9:57:42 PM): that u'll do that
daggerdeeds (9:57:45 PM): super crush, tweenie stuff talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya
iamthe******* (9:57:51 PM): but since you said it...hmmmm
daggerdeeds (9:57:53 PM): alin...?
iamthe******* (9:58:16 PM): forget it
daggerdeeds (9:58:16 PM): pag isipan ang isang guy ng naughty-ness?
iamthe******* (9:58:24 PM): hahahaha
daggerdeeds (9:58:29 PM): ano ba?
daggerdeeds (9:58:36 PM): im a guy pa rin...
daggerdeeds (9:58:44 PM): part yun ng Y chromosome
iamthe******* (9:58:49 PM): I C
daggerdeeds (9:58:53 PM): oo
daggerdeeds (9:58:59 PM): kaya nga unusual eh
iamthe******* (9:59:13 PM): i think napagdanan ko n yang stage na yan
daggerdeeds (9:59:19 PM): alin...?
iamthe******* (9:59:28 PM): u like the feeling of liking him
daggerdeeds (9:59:33 PM): magkagusto nga todo-todo sa mukha lang ng tao...?
daggerdeeds (9:59:36 PM): sobra
iamthe******* (9:59:37 PM): kinda stuff?
daggerdeeds (9:59:43 PM): sobra talaga
iamthe******* (10:00:01 PM): not just that but the thought and everything
iamthe******* (10:00:23 PM): well, matagal tagal din bago mawala yan
iamthe******* (10:00:35 PM): insanity....
iamthe******* (10:00:43 PM): and lunacy over a goddamn face
iamthe******* (10:00:45 PM): hahaha
daggerdeeds (10:00:48 PM): oo nga eh
daggerdeeds (10:00:56 PM): id like to tell him talaga
daggerdeeds (10:01:07 PM): that im soooooooooooooo crushing on him
iamthe******* (10:01:11 PM): how many months na b?
daggerdeeds (10:01:19 PM): kaya lang alam na nya eh
daggerdeeds (10:01:37 PM): december nagsimula ang insanity ko
iamthe******* (10:02:00 PM): ur his prey
daggerdeeds (10:02:06 PM): sobra
iamthe******* (10:02:15 PM): so what do u think is he thinking?
daggerdeeds (10:02:18 PM): im a willing lamb
daggerdeeds (10:02:20 PM): hehehe
daggerdeeds (10:02:30 PM): lion sya ganun...?
iamthe******* (10:02:34 PM): hahahahaha
daggerdeeds (10:02:36 PM): kulet
daggerdeeds (10:02:48 PM): again, i think he's my edward cullen. sana he really is my edward cullen.
iamthe******* (10:02:56 PM): sana lang u could meet di ba?
daggerdeeds (10:03:15 PM): at base sa history mo, he's my patrick
daggerdeeds (10:03:24 PM): oo nga eh
iamthe******* (10:03:38 PM): ganun, naku mahirap yan
daggerdeeds (10:03:40 PM): kaya lang he's busy daw "TILL FEB"
daggerdeeds (10:03:51 PM): ano ba intindi mo dun...?
daggerdeeds (10:04:03 PM): gang matapos feb, busy sya?
iamthe******* (10:04:06 PM): probably because of the call of season
daggerdeeds (10:04:29 PM): simula nga daw kasi ng taon kaya busy sya
daggerdeeds (10:05:11 PM): diba nga, he's in r******h
iamthe******* (10:05:14 PM): hay dag... namimiss ko yang ganyang feeling
iamthe******* (10:05:27 PM): research nga ulit ng?
daggerdeeds (10:05:30 PM): naku, sa yo na lang tong feeling na to
daggerdeeds (10:05:35 PM): ayoko nito
iamthe******* (10:05:40 PM): NGEK
daggerdeeds (10:05:55 PM): actually, pinaliwanag nya sa kin nung unang mag-usap kami, ever
iamthe******* (10:06:03 PM): NO WAY I WUD EVER WANT THAT BACK
iamthe******* (10:06:07 PM): na?
daggerdeeds (10:06:35 PM): kaya lang i was so shocked, di ko naintindihan yung sinasabi nya
daggerdeeds (10:06:44 PM): lam mo yun...?
daggerdeeds (10:06:48 PM): parang...
iamthe******* (10:06:50 PM): ano?
iamthe******* (10:06:59 PM): hindi ko alam
daggerdeeds (10:07:02 PM): shit, bat tumawag to bigla?
daggerdeeds (10:07:09 PM): OMG
daggerdeeds (10:07:14 PM): ano sasabihin ko
iamthe******* (10:07:17 PM): ?
daggerdeeds (10:07:19 PM): ano daw?
daggerdeeds (10:07:27 PM): ok, something funny
daggerdeeds (10:07:35 PM): ok, something witty
iamthe******* (10:07:37 PM): his words?
daggerdeeds (10:07:43 PM): my thoughts
daggerdeeds (10:08:01 PM): while I'm letting him talk sa phone
iamthe******* (10:08:12 PM): i see
iamthe******* (10:08:26 PM): gusto mo tlga sia no?
daggerdeeds (10:08:41 PM): nasabihan nga ako ni Phoebe na cool lang daw ako at swabe...
daggerdeeds (10:08:44 PM): OO
daggerdeeds (10:08:48 PM): SOBRA
daggerdeeds (10:09:01 PM): kaya nga gusto ko siya ma-meet
iamthe******* (10:09:09 PM): it shows
daggerdeeds (10:09:09 PM): para ma-TO na ako sa kanya
iamthe******* (10:09:29 PM): TO?
daggerdeeds (10:09:30 PM): di ko nga lang alam maging cool at swabe
daggerdeeds (10:09:35 PM): Turn Off
iamthe******* (10:09:45 PM): that's one hell of a prob dude
iamthe******* (10:09:54 PM): hmmmmm....
iamthe******* (10:10:03 PM): wala lang just b urself
daggerdeeds (10:10:09 PM): sabi sa kin ni Phoebe, i should not overthink things
iamthe******* (10:10:23 PM): i mean like just totally feel like home
daggerdeeds (10:10:33 PM): sabi naman ni Chabs, wag daw ako gaano ma-details
iamthe******* (10:10:37 PM): and more so
daggerdeeds (10:10:42 PM): kaya nga eh
iamthe******* (10:10:47 PM): LET HIM DO THE TALK
iamthe******* (10:11:01 PM): just listen ....
iamthe******* (10:11:02 PM): less talk less error
daggerdeeds (10:11:11 PM): ha? E di puro dead air kami pag nagkataon
iamthe******* (10:11:20 PM): ngek
iamthe******* (10:11:22 PM): why>?
iamthe******* (10:11:34 PM): malay mo he's more outgoing sa tunay
daggerdeeds (10:11:49 PM): kaya nga ang dating usap namin eh, phone interview eh
iamthe******* (10:12:09 PM): ?
daggerdeeds (10:12:19 PM): he sounds outgoing naman talaga
daggerdeeds (10:12:37 PM): one time, nagkakakanta sya ng bituing walang ningning sa fone
iamthe******* (10:12:38 PM): alam nia kasing gusto mo cia
daggerdeeds (10:12:45 PM): oo nga
daggerdeeds (10:12:48 PM): kaya nga e
iamthe******* (10:12:52 PM): that's why he's keeping you hanging on the cliff
daggerdeeds (10:12:54 PM): alam ko naman lugar ko
iamthe******* (10:13:08 PM): like h20 torture
iamthe******* (10:13:17 PM): gosh- i so could relate
iamthe******* (10:13:21 PM): hahahaha
daggerdeeds (10:13:36 PM): iniisip ko lang, do i have the energy para i-pursue ko tong tao na ito...? kahit kaibiganin lang?
daggerdeeds (10:13:43 PM): e di naman sya babae
iamthe******* (10:14:11 PM): hmmmmmm
daggerdeeds (10:14:19 PM): mas matanda sa kin (so malamang he's been exposed to the altenate universe ng mas matagal)
daggerdeeds (10:14:57 PM): mas mature mag-isip(considering na iniisip ko eh isp bata pa ako, though di na gaano. minsan im thinking grown up na talaga ako.)
iamthe******* (10:14:58 PM): :-??
daggerdeeds (10:15:37 PM): and obviously, waaaaay cute-r than me
iamthe******* (10:15:40 PM): ** year old is no different from 25 or 26 or 28 or 30
iamthe******* (10:15:55 PM): and so?
iamthe******* (10:15:56 PM): u have plans?
daggerdeeds (10:15:59 PM): number lang naman yun eh
daggerdeeds (10:16:01 PM): ewan
iamthe******* (10:16:15 PM): make up ur mind
daggerdeeds (10:16:16 PM): tingnan ko kung saan ito hahantong
iamthe******* (10:16:32 PM): *-:)
iamthe******* (10:16:39 PM): i'm sure u'll do fine
daggerdeeds (10:16:44 PM): hanggat nandito itong feeling na to, di ako susuko
daggerdeeds (10:16:59 PM): ok naman ako sa kulitan at frends lang eh. Sana lang makapagkita kami
daggerdeeds (10:17:07 PM): pwera na lang kung mag-fade itong pakiramdam na ito.
iamthe******* (10:17:09 PM): ^:)^
iamthe******* (10:17:23 PM): hail... bsta don't let it swallow you
daggerdeeds (10:17:29 PM): not worthy emoticon?
iamthe******* (10:17:42 PM): just chew it
daggerdeeds (10:17:57 PM): paanong just chew it...?
daggerdeeds (10:19:17 PM): ayoko pa nga syang makita kunsakali, eh
iamthe******* (10:25:25 PM): wi...
iamthe******* (10:25:35 PM): nagloloko server k
daggerdeeds (10:25:39 PM): ah
daggerdeeds (10:25:40 PM): ok
daggerdeeds (10:25:47 PM): paanong jsut chew it nga
daggerdeeds (10:25:51 PM): just*

Then my friend got disconnected. And I still feel insane over a face. Damn!

Pre-Valentine Cases Part 4: Missing Someone… Or The One?

Friend Number 4 (Numbuh 4!!!! Hahaha, reminds me of KND) has been complaining of not getting it. Okay, not having sex for the longest time around. Ever since he broke up with his girlfriend (for about a year, I believe). I am almost tempted to look for a girl who’s willing to be his fubu. (Are there girls who are like that really? Girls who are not so emotional and have non-traditional views when it comes to sex? Here, in the Philippines, where traditional values is still prevalent? It seems to me that the Sex in the City girls Pinoy version is just a myth. Or maybe I just have not met one yet.)

And so recently his girlfriend, or rather not-girlfriend (technically) came home (the girl was working abroad) and decided to meet him. She said she wants to be in a relationship with him, as she will have to spend another two years abroad after her vacation here, but the girl does not want any commitment. Sounds like an open relationship to me, really. That left my guy friend all too confused. See, I think open relationships are too complicated for a straight guy’s mind: they’d rather sneak around and do naughty behind their partners than be upfront with it, with their girls being open about their naughty whereabouts too.

After his girlfriend, or rather not-girlfriend (technically) left the country, he informed me of feeling lonely without his girl. He said he’s not all over his girlfriend, or rather not-girlfriend (technically) when she’s around, but now that she isn’t here, he misses her. I asked him to clarify things: does he miss the person or the idea of having someone like her around? He answered immediately: that the thought of having a girlfriend around is all that he’s after, someone to watch over him, someone to be with him. He thinks he cannot make it alone, on his own. I told him to take this opportunity to be strong and make it on his own, so when his next relationship comes, he’ll be the one to look after his girl and not the other way around. But he still wants me to introduce him to my girl-friends. Hell, like I would do that.

Pre-Valentine Cases Part 3: Friends and Lovers

A friend of mine has been saying over and over again that she’s already moved on from the heartbreak after a few months since her break up with her ex-boyfriend (her ex being her first), and that she has been working really hard to achieve being indifferent towards the guy. Based form her stories, the guy’s been a jerk to her. Okay, he may not have hurt her physically but flirting (actually, something more than flirting) with your ex-girlfriend while in a relationship, no matter how cheesy and gentleman-like your personality is on the outside (my friend’s ex ain’t cheesy though, I’m not so sure of him being a gentleman) constitutes being a jerk in my vocabulary.

So yeah, I believe her. Even though there was a point where she had been saying it too much, it almost made me wonder if she’s just convincing herself or just merely telling us she’s moved on. Again. For the nth time.

Recently however, her ex had an accident. Some stranger decided to poke a knife into his body just because he doesn’t want to “donate” some money for “charity”. Robber’s Foundation I guess. Anyhoo, upon hearing the news, she was frantic. She wanted to see him, she wanted to know how he’s doing. Although a common friend of theirs already sent her a text message informing her that her ex is already out of harm’s way.

I wanted to accuse her of not really moving on all this time, but being the somewhat supportive, yeah-I’ll-cheer-for-you-when-you-need-it-and-no-I-won’t-go-there-unless-you’re-really-in-an-emergency kind of a friend, I just told her to do what she wanted to do, which is to go to the hospital and see her ex. Eventually, she found someone to accompany her and well, she saw her ex. After that, she told me she just wants to be friends with him. I laugh at the thought. Though she’s been denying it, she obviously feels strong about her ex, and when one party feels so strongly than the other, I believe that friendship, real oh-so-Platonic friendship cannot really exist. But she would like to test the waters; she’s bent on doing that. So I told her to just keep tabs on what she feels. Besides, friends like me will be ready to hate that ex of hers together if he ever tries to shatter her all over again. I just have to restrain myself from telling her I told you so.