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110% Geek

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A simple “Hey, bitch, grab your things cause I’m moving out soon”

A simple “Hey, bitch, grab your things cause I’m moving out soon” would have been waaaay polite. But I shouldn’t have expected something like that from you right?

Check your messages, I wasn't warned when you're moving out.

Please. Wag namang magmalinis, Mr. Clean.

Enuff said.

Crazy

I feel like being crazy right now. I don’t know. Maybe because I’m being ignored. Ever saw a Telenovela villain come to life? I could be that crazy, you know it and I’m not kidding.

I am not a liar by default. Unlike some people I know. And you know what I think would make them weak on the knees? The truth, of course. The truth, being revealed to everyone around they’ve been telling lies all this time. It isn’t important to me whether those people would believe the truth; the important thing is that doubt would be cast upon the liar. Of course my stories would be a hundred times consistent against the lies.

Of course I’ve had my share of lies. And unlike some liar I know, I don’t really care what others think about me. I even had to double take whether the opinions of those people closest to me about me counts, so no, I don’t really care if my share of lies would be revealed. Besides, I’m continually making peace and accepts my short-comings whenever I’m under attack, so my guard’s definitely 110 % up.

You know what’s really crappy about this? I’m extending the hand of peace here up to a point that I look stupid already, but I’m getting insulted back in return. And that drives me off to crazylandia. No one wants that, believe me.

No, this is not a threat. Enough craziness and I would actually get through with it.

And yeah, I’ve enjoyed saving every relevant exchange of text messages I've had. Talk about giving me ammunitions.

So, what do I want? Peace talk.

Actually, getting my pillows back would suffice.

Regeneration

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- “One Art” by Elizabeth Bishop

I love Claire Bennet. Sure, maybe Beth Cooper is more sultry and seductive than Claire, but Beth can’t regenerate like Claire does.

Seriously, I like Hayden. And I really like her Claire character from Heroes. Somehow, I can relate to her (no, I don’t relate to her that way; the last time I checked, I’m still not spontaneously regenerating).

It’s just that recently, I did get hurt. Not physically though. See, I have been so hard on myself because someone close to me was about to say goodbye, and I was in fact fearing that we would be out of each other’s lives for good. And to make matters worst, I did something stupid: something so disrespectful to my friend that caused him to be crazy mad at me. It seems that I couldn’t apologize enough. And maybe I never could.

After that I realized… well, thought that I was feeling a bit more affectionate than what I should for that friend. That I was in love. And maybe I was. And perhaps I still am.

And that’s what hurts the most. To know that I screwed things up. I would never mind carrying an unrequited feeling (whatever that is) for him, just as long as I know I would still be able to talk to him from time to time; to have the knowledge that I would still be able to hear from him some time in the future. To somehow feel that I made an impact in his life; and that perhaps, on some level, I mattered to him.

So I was down for the next few days. Or for about five minutes, I can’t really recall. But I found myself teary eyed during those times when I’m being reminded of what has transpired. That a tie has just been severed between me and a friend.

My best friend, Phoebe, told me that I should be used to this. And I know that. That future ties to be would be severed too; that I should be able to handle goodbyes easily by now. And that, it doesn’t matter, really. Like Ms. Bishop said, it wasn’t a disaster at all

And so now, I’d say I’ve regenerated. Emotionally. Maybe not Wolverine fast kind of healing; it was more of a Claire Bennet-esque regeneration. I got hurt, I felt pain, and I just got over it quickly.

To my friend, thank you for this life lesson I learned.

Last Stand

Umiyak na naman ako ngayon. Alam ko kasalanan ko naman talaga. Sana mapatawad mo din ako. Sana nga dumating ang araw na iyon. Pasensya na, wala akong kontrol sa sarili ko. Tandaan mo lang na lagi kong nanaisin na maging masaya ka sa buhay mo.

At... mahal nga pla kita. Oo, nito ko lang napagtanto at natanggap sa sarili ko na mahal kita. Kaya dobleng pagsisisi ang nadarama ko ngayon.

Salamat na rin at nakilala kita. Kasi ngayon, masasabi ko na talaga ng walang pag-aalinlangan... nagmahal na rin ako.

Patawad...