One-Four-Three

How do you tell someone you've been falling in love with them?

Some things are better left unsaid, and must remain unspoken...

For the time being.

Like Breaking-up

Now that my resignation will be officialy effective just a few days from today, I’m realizing that quitting your job is kinda like a break-up. I mean, I haven’t really been involved in a really, really serious relationship before, but I could only imagine that ending your employment, and submitting your resignation letter is like telling that other person that it’s over.

Yeah, I guess life’s just like that. Relationships sometimes work out, sometimes they don’t. Anyway, there’s no rest for the wicked, so to speak, as I will immediately begin my job at another company.

Oh, well. At least there arean’t as many people I will miss from work this time, unlike the time I left my first job.

Today

Today’s lesson: when a cute guy at the arcade asks you how to do a move by Ryu at Street Fighter IV, and there is list of moves near the joystick, one must go ahead and show him how to do it, especially if you have been noticing he’s doing the opposite rotation of the joystick once his character is at the Player 2 side.

It was so stupid of me. I got bored of waiting for the cheque that my boss needs to be encashed and deposited at his account (he asked that of me as a favor), so I went to the nearest mall and tried to be less bored. I was just looking around when this cute guy asked me “Hey, can you do this move? I’m just learning how to play this,” while pointing at Ryu’s move list. It took me by surprise. I was startled. Then I said, “sorry, I don’t know how to do that move either.” Stupid, right? Especially when I know exactly that he had been rotating the joystick in the wrong direction. It could’ve been a good conversation starter! Whatever. Just, whatever.

***

I am just realizing that there would never be a scarcity of lonely hearts out there. Most people may spend their whole lives just searching for their other half, and may never find them. And those who have someone doubt the thing that they have with each other. But we should trust though, that once we find the person for us, let’s be thankful, and realize that we are in fact part of the minority who are happily loving and being loved.

Changes

I realized that like orgasm, enthusiasm is so hard to fake (and it also amazes me that they rhyme too!). I recently resigned from my job. Yeah, I still have to complete the insufferable 30 day turnover (more like twenty-something now), but who are we kidding? My interest in doing my work plunged so fast and so deep the moment I submitted my letter, it reached the earth's core at the speed of light.

It wasn't that bad really, compared to what I seem to imply. Sure, they've hired a dozen of no-good moronic, self-important jerks; they have an engineering department full of architects (no offense to all the architects out there, but let's face it --- aside from drawing plans and being knowledgeable in aesthetics, engineers should be the ones who are doing engineering works, and it's even the root word of that particular department!); and their accountants does not know how to read prices from bus tickets (I'd recommend training them for just that ---how to read bus ticket prices; or better yet, they should at least make sure to hire accountants who knows how to read prices from official receipts, such as bus tickets!).

But, as I've said, it wasn't that bad. Seriously. They've managed to hire a really able manager for the department I'm in (and it was just an added bonus that my boss, well soon-to-be-former boss is cute). And I managed to make at least one friend at work while working for approximately six months (I know, I don’t really warm up to people as fast as I’d want to). Plus, I attended this year’s mud-soaked, we-are-gonna-make-your-body-ache-all-over teambuilding activities. Yeah… right. Way to make employees bond and unite the company by grouping them accoding to their departments and not mixing them up… Hmmm… Did I mention that my boss is cute?

The interesting part was, I was ready to leave the field I am in for this job, I was ready to surrender the engineer part of me. Although I have convinced myself (with some difficulty) that what I actually learned from school would be put to use with the field/industry I am in at the moment, it doesn’t really capture the feel of being… well, an engineer.

And with that, I am now going to embark a new chapter in my professional life soon. I’m very excited at my new job, I don’t even want to come in at my current work anymore. Oh, well.

Blood

I have to get over this the queasiness that takes over me everytime the thought of blood coming right out form my body comes into my mind.

I hate it. It makes me feel so weak.

We talked about blood today at the office. Well, it was about donating blood really. And while the conversation is going on, my imagination ran wild. Leche! I started imagining myself donating blood, started imagining the needles, and the tubes, and started imagining MY BLOOD flowing right out of my body. The effect was so quick. I had difficulty breathing. I felt like vomiting. In fact, I feel like I’m going to be sick right now just be recalling what went to my head earlier.

The annoying thing is, not one person around me felt the same way. Sure, imagining their blood flowing out of their body is not their Kryptonite, but it just frustrates me to feel so queasy like that, and about that.

The thing is, I have no problem with blood. No, not really. I've seen a bloody scene before. Well, not a drop of my blood was involved, but still, it did not bother me. In fact, I feel confident enough to say that if I'd seen, say example my co-workers donating their blood, it wouldn't bother me at all. Just that, thinking about my blood flowing out of my veins makes me nauseous.

I remember it started about two years ago, during my annual physical exam at the company where I used worked. I was on blood pressure medication (still am, unfortunately). The medical technologist then tried to get my blood, but my blood pressure fluctuated so low, my blood refused to be go out my body ( I vividly remember feeling like what I'm feeling right now as I am typing this --- lightheaded and drowsy). So, after a few moments of rest, she managed to get my blood sample (using a syringe) with my other arm. I distinctly recall that it was the first time I felt dizzy because of the thought of my blood flowing out of my body.

I remember a particular Naruto episode (sorry, my anime geek side needed to talk about this). There was this one character, she's strong and all, but then the sight of blood made her nervous (she's got hemophobia). However, considering we are talking about the made up world of Naruto here, her fear of blood was immediately cured within the next few episodes through seeing Naruto struggle to be alive (it took about a few hours on their timeline).

I'm doomed, aren't I? You know what I did earlier, so that none of my co-workers would notice? I tried to breathe. I just focused on inhaling and exhaling, letting the air flow in and out of me. A few minutes after that and I was okay.