Charmander

Naabutan ko ang ate ko na inaayos ang mga lumang damit and stuffs na ipapamigay na daw nila sa mga kapit-bahay na mas nangangailangan nun. Ang dami kasi nilang damit na luma eh. At saka, lumalaki na rin ang mga pamangkin ko. So, hayun, inayos niya.

Pati mga lumang laruan ipapamigay na rin nila. Yung isang pamangkin ko kasi na Grade 3 na ngayong pasukan, ipapamigay na ang Charmander stuff toy niya. Palibhasa, Mr. Bean na ang kinahuhumalingan, kaya naman si Teddy na ang bagong stuff toy na madalas niya kasama.

In-inspeksyon ko si Charmander. Okay pa naman. Kung papipiliin ako sa mga Pokemon, base sa cute-ness, si JiggyPuff ang pipiliin ko. Pero kung coolness ang basehan, sa Psyduck, alang duda. (Alam ko, di na nakakarelate ang mga hindi naman nakapanood ng Pokemon.)

Pero dahil sa na-cute-an ako sa Charmander stuf toy, ah, napagdsisyunan ko na hingin na lang yun. Hehehe, oo. Kung kelan namang bente-singko na ako, tsaka ko nagmay-ari ng stuff toy.

So hayun. Inuwi ko si Charmander sa aking inuupahang espasyo malapit sa trabaho. Natatawa ko, kasi ang sabi ni Roomie, nakakatakot daw si Charmander. Siguro kasi may pangil. At taga Digimon daw yun. Sabi ko, hindi ah. Sa Pokemon yan.

At nung nilagnat ako, naisip ni Roomie na baka daw na-nuno ako dun kay Charmander. Nakakatawa lang.

Pero sa totoo lang, kaya ko kinuha si Charmander ay dahil sa naaalala ko ang mga pamangkin ko. It reminds me of being innocent. Of being care-free. It reminds me of home.

Mas astig pa rin sana kung si Psyduck na lang ang nagustuhan ng pamangkin ko noon.

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Kasalukuyan kong binabasa ang book ni Ricky Lee. Hmm... Nakaka-dalawang kwento pa lang ako. Parang di ko gusto ang theory nya, na apat sa lima ang devastated dahil sa pag-ibig. But... that’s reality kung tutuusin. Oh well. Tapusin ko muna yung book.

May question nga pala ako sa karamihan, o sa kahit sinong (sana) magbigay pansin: would you date a disabled person? Kakayanin mo bang ma-in love sa isang taong may kapansanan? Hmm... kasi yung One Liter of Tears, eh. Kung anu-ano tuloy tanong pumapasok sa isip ko. (Defensive mode: Hindi ako nanonood ng OLoT, kundi ang nanay ko.)

Note: Parang naparami ang pics ng entry na ito. Haay...

Saturday Night

It’s Saturday night. The wind blows violently outside. Weather’s been bipolar for the past few days, and I had been sick for the past 48 hours.

It’s Saturday night. I’m supposed to be at work right now. No, I wouldn’t want to be there too, but between getting sick and being at fever-free at work, I think I’ll choose the lesser evil. Okay, now I can’t really see the difference between them.

It’s Saturday night. My mind is racing with thoughts again. I can’t help it. I feel like I am simultaneously listening to about twenty radio stations and all the words from the djocks mouths are being crammed into my brain. And now, I officially have a headache.

It’s Saturday night. A cockroach is flying across the room. Should I chase it and kill it? Darn. I’m too weak for that. Flying roaches! Gross.

It’s Saturday night. Lambert’s singing Ring of Fire on my mp3. how appropriate. But it wasn’t any wild desire that’s making my temperature rise tonight.

It’s Saturday night. Suddenly I’m in tears. Sent a text message to my best friend. No reply, she must be asleep now. Gotta reach out to someone. Gotta reach. ****, still awake? Message sent.

It’s Saturday night. The minutes pass by very slowly. Just had an exchange of text messages with a friend. Suddenly, I feel so vulnerable. And weak. And possibly dehydrated.

It’s Saturday night. My thoughts are with you now. I shouldn’t be thinking of this, I know. But I can’t help it. I do want to be with you. But we can’t. We just can’t.

It’s Saturday night. I’ll be sleeping soon. I’ll be…

Closer

My fingertips
Touching you
I can feel us closer

Secrets shared
What we’ve been through
I can feel us closer

My hope, my fears
Nightmare and dreams
I can feel us closer

Had a heated fight
We made up alright
And then I feel us closer

But when I spoke
Of this thing I feel
I can’t… no longer…

You seem distant
It does appear
Now a mere stranger

I guess I should
Do the same thing
Do it even graver

But know this
That inside me
I want us closer

But maybe we’d never really been

Chaos

My head’s spinning with thoughts right now. And I am powerless to have my thoughts organized. As Corrine Bailey Rae sang, I’d let my hair down for the past weeks. Entries to follow.

Just need to breathe for now.

An Open Letter

Dear You,

It would have been easier if you had just let my mood swing pass. Ignore it. Haven’t I told you? I’m twenty-five going on fifteen. It has always been this way, and I don’t think I will change anytime soon. Why do you think I left home anyway? Don’t worry, I will grow up eventually. Just not now, and definitely not this instant.

I am very well aware that we don’t really click that much. And yeah, maybe you were trying--- no, pretending to be nice, just so we could be in sync for a while.

But of course, eventually, all pretenses have to be scrapped away.

No my friends do not bow down to me. I am not, have not been, and I do not think I will ever be a queen bee of any clique that I am and will be a part of. My friends just happen to know better, to let the mood swing pass, to let the storm subside.

Then again, you said it yourself; I am just but a stranger to you. In spite of all the secrets that you have told me (which I admittedly indiscreetly handled and shared to people who I don’t think would ever cross paths with you) and the personal demons I shared, I am just a faceless, nameless dude to you. And looking back, maybe I could just say the same thing to you.

I am not afraid of being alone. I’m actually cold-hearted, selfish, and deep-down I really do not care about anyone but myself, and the people I care about--- family and yes, friends. You have no idea what I’ve been through with my closest of friends, so you have no right to judge me like that. Is staying with you for a few months, talking with you for a few hours a week enough to know me that well? Nope, I don’t think so.

Do you know why those friends of mine still have me around despite my mood swings that often sends their day between the edge of boring and utterly ruined? It’s because I am worth all that drama they have to stand up to.

To be honest, my mood swing was bout to subside already. But you just had to react, and I had to counter-react, till we had a cycle going on. It was about this time that my mood swing transcended into full fury already. I was so mad. And you just had to take a personal blow that was just uncalled for.

No, a stranger like you would have zero weight when it comes to any words you say. But I won’t let that personal blow fly by. So I retaliated, with what I had been thinking about the screwed up relationship you have been struggling to hold on to.

You know what? I am glad we had this fight--- I am not really sure if this one will be fixed. The sharpest of words have been exchanged, and no, I will not “bow down” to you as well. I forewarned you about my mood swing, I guess I should’ve suggested for you to ignore it. But I am sure of one thing though, if ever we will part ways now because of this, I will miss what could’ve been. You know me, I’m sentimental. And yet, not really, no. Especially that all this time, we actually are strangers to each other.

Dagger