Lent

Lent has always been a very weird season for me. Yeah, we all know hypocrisy is on its peak during lent, with people saying they are reflecting about the way things are with their lives while partying at Boracay. But enough about my cynicism about this lent.

I’m tired.

Well, I’m physically tired. But that can be remedied so easily. Just by staying in bed, asleep for a few more hours, physical exhaustion would e quenched.

But I’m tired emotionally. I’m not really sure how that happens, but I do feel that it is the most appropriate description I could give. My life’s so ordinary now, so bland. Except for a few exceptional friends, I haven’t met any circles of them for the past months.

See, the thing with me is that I don’t really show gloom around people. I think its enough that one of my best friends back in college is a whiner, and she could most probably whine about life for the both of us. The only time I whine is when I’m with my bff, Phoebe, but seeing that she left the country already, I am facing a lot of pent up issues right now (well, there was someone other than Phoebe, but we don’t talk a lot these days anymore).

My problem exactly, is that I don’t really open up to people easily. Sure, I am a model office mate (I think). I get the job done, I am dedicated, but when it comes to warming up to people, when it comes to having a barkada, I suck.

Well, maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore if it’s bothering me this much. Baby steps maybe, I think I’ll start by hanging out with people during lunch break.

Whew, why does it have to be so difficult for the socially inept?

***

I have no idea why the air seems so heavy during lent. No it isn’t because it’s summer, it’s the season. I can’t remember not feeling this way during lent. Weird.

Randomness

Things have been so busy this week. My daily routine is starting to bore me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the challenges my work is presenting, but still, there’s just a mountain of work to do.

***

Someone I know celebrated his birthday yesterday. I’m not really sure if he’s still reading my site, but there’s just things I want to tell him that, I don’t know… I can’t. I just hope my presence in his life did not ruin the already troubled (remember your break-up, in case you are around?) 26th year of his life. Still, I know, I’m such a screw up. My birthday wish? Sounds generic, but I do wish you are happy. Truly happy, and not just in a I’m-happy-at-the-moment-but-when-I-really-think-about-it-I’m-not situation. Would’ve bought you a cap, you know, but I know I’d still feel weird being round you.

***

Crap! I can’t believe that I haven’t blogged for like an eon, and yet, I still couldn’t come up with a decent entry. It’s my daily schedule I tell you. All I do right now is work and sleep at home. Well, there might be some TV and DVD watching from time to time, but really, my life’s so boring right now. Hopefully inspiration will strike next week (if I’d be able to blog) and a decent entry will be posted.

 ***

I have seen Quentin’s Basterds though. I’m weirded out a bit. I mean, I enjoyed Kill Bill, but the Basterds plot on reversing history disturbs me a bit. I guess I’m just a bit of sucker for anything accurate, that the re-imaginatrion of what really happened disturbed me.

***

Oh, and I got my haircut earlier this week. I had it short. Really short. Any shorter my and I might as well join the army. Yeah, right. Me in the army. I can’t really imagine giving up my individuality for duty, so hands down to the soldiers.

***

Have you heard the acoustic version of Gaga’s Bad Romance? I think it’s by a local singer named Pricess. I hate it. I’m just so repulsed by that particular version of the song. I mean, the song was butchered. Its essence got lost. You can’t even feel the emotion that should’ve been in the song. Instead, it was sung in a very cheesy, I’m-so- happy-I-don’t-give-a-damn-that-this-song-is-about-a-person’s-frustration-of-not-being-loved-back kinda way. It just sucks. Sure, if the song is about being free of a toxic relationship, I think it could’ve been sung that way. Gaga’s version is uptempo, but you can feel in her voice the message she’s trying to deliver.

Going Political

People who know me well enough could attest that I don’t really care much about politics. I guess I take it from my scientific idol, who was offered to be the president of a country but refused.

But sometimes, there are just certain issues that get me. I react. Even though I’m just hearing the news on TV, I just blurt out my opinion. I can’t help it.

So now, I’m blurting my opinion on my blog.

See, there’s just been craziness form the Catholic Church now that the Department of Health is working overtime to encourage people to use contraceptives (specifically condoms) during sex. Newsflash priests: people are dying because of AIDS, and unless you can feed and take care of about half the population, then I’ll be joining your cause.

It is just plain stupid. And yeah, I don’t think they could stop the “kids” from being exposed to “sexual” influences anymore, but I can’t see how they are going to spank the parents of those kids for being negligent. And why discourage couples to control birth? Because it’s wrong? Because it’s immoral? I think what’s more evil is bringing a child in this world and not being able to give the best care for that child.

I know the rise of AIDS victims could be tied to gay people. But that’s just more reason to inform the public about this. Sure, the Church is morally obligated to be disgusted with the gay life style but I don’t think they are morally obligated to let people die out of being misinformed.

I’m just being realistic. Population’s booming. AIDS is on the rise. Just because the priest’s can (apparently) control their libido, it does not mean that the rest of us can. They practically all want us to be saints, but that’s not the case. They are being idealistic. And sometimes, being idealistic is just being worse than evil.

So what am I saying? Back off priests. Leave the governing to the government.

***

Is there a presidential candidate who aside from campaigning is integrating voter’s education about the new automated system? Sure, I saw how the Sex Bomb Dancers busted their ass to educate the public, but I really think that as presidentiables, they should be responsible enough to make sure that people are informed about this new election system, even though the voter’s might not vote for them.

And, just mentioning: I’m Catholic, but it irritates me when the Church interferes with what would have been progress because of close-mindedness.

Lunch break

I wrote this article two weeks ago at work at work, during my lunch break, and then I scheduled it to be published now. So, here it is

I neither hate nor love my job right now. Which I believe is a really bad thing, cause I don't really know exactly what to feel towards it. I mean, it is exciting for now, as I am new at this and am just learning the basics (or re-learning on a very different level) the essence of my function at work.

I have been feeling kind of unproductive for the past few days at work. I don't know. I guess I'm just not in the mood to work. To give my 100%. And I do feel that it is wrong. I believe that one always has to give their best, to always try to be their best.

But I guess I'm not being my best today.

A few days ago, I realized that I am a bit shy... okay, a lot shy around people I just met. I'm relatively new at work, and I don't really connect or bond with people as fast enough as I should be I guess. So, I have to admit talking to bosses and colleagues drags a bit.

But I realized, why would I be shy? Why would I let my job not be done just because I feel awkward towards people I just (relatively) met? So after that, I started talking to them more, about work of course.

So if I'm not being slowed down by this “shyness” I possess (like I said, I'm relatively new. After warming up to the people here, I don't think I would have that problem anymore), what causes the lag on my work, my productivity ?

I guess I'm really just feeling lazy.

Happiest

I heard from the morning news recently of a “Happiest Pinoy Award”. And I felt not even a trace of surprise that I found the whole thing ridiculous.

I mean, yes, if your aim is to recognize the happiest amongst the I'm-so-happy-I-think-I'll-stay-in-”lalala”-land-and-dance-forever, then hat's off to you. But c'mon, is there really an actual gauge of being happy? I know, they've set some ridiculous criteria to find out who's more jovial than who, but still, I don't think happiness can be measured and I don't think it should be measured. The happiness-meter can only be found inside us. Having joy is such a relative thing.

And would you believe that they are looking for someone who has a “proven ability to rise above life's challenges” and has “a positive impact in the lives of others”. It's crazy. Haven't the organizers of this thing realized that everyone has challenges of their own, and the fact that mass suicides are not happening in the country practically qualifies every Pinoy in their “contest”? And isn't happiness contagious, so that if you're happy, you are automatically having “a positive impact in the lives of others”?

As I am writing this, I am trying to look for some info on the web about the winner, but I guess the webbie people haven't uploaded info on that yet. However I heard from the morning news that the winner struggled with the various sickness and ailments he has, and that he has a family and is stable financially.

I say bullsh*t. Sure, maybe he did gave a lot to his community, but I don't see him being the “happiest Pinoy”. I firmly believe that it should take a lot more than being sick and shrugging it off your shoulders considering you have money, friends, and family to be the happiest.

I think to own that title, one has to be facing a really, really difficult situation, like being broke, being on your own, and being sick at the same time and yet, you can still smile wholeheartedly. I mean, I expected the winner to be happy. Sure, he's sick, but he's got money, friends, and family. I believe anyone who does have money, friends, and family have absolutely no right to be unhappy. I think the award would be a million times valid if the winner is in a state where even a moron would expect him poison himself already, and yet he doesn't because he is genuinely happy and hoping for a more favorable day.

And you know what's the sickest thing about this? The award is organized by an insurance company, most likely the winners are their clients. They are insured. Yet another reason not to expect unhappiness from them.

Why am I ranting about this? Cause maybe the title's not appropriate. I don't know, I'm not a marketing major, or an advertising expert, but I have a feeling that “Happiest Pinoy Insurance Client Award”, though seems to be more appropriate and valid, wouldn't sell better that the one they had.