KUMOT

Been having problems writing entries. Tsaka medyo busy eh. Eto, nahalukay ko ang dati kong poem para i-share sa inyo.

Sa init ng kumot ay namamalagi
Habang naghihintay sa yakap mong mithi
Kumot aking hawak pagtulog sa gabi
Kumot ang kasama sa bawat paghikbi

Kumot sa katawan laging nakabalot
At pinapangarap, mahigpit mong yapos
Habang iniisip sabay sa pagtulog
Darating ka ba’t aalisin ang kumot?

Ikaw ba’y kasama sa mga pangarap?
Ating liliparin, mga alapaap?
Ikaw ba’y karamay sa lahat ng hirap?
O hayaang kumot lang ang tangan ko’t yakap?

Tanging hangad lamang ikaw ay makita
Mabatid na nar’yan ka’t laging kasama
Ngunit panaginip, heto’t patapos na
Namulat ako paggising sa umaga
At tanging kumot lang ang aking nakita...

Hindi ka pala dumating.

Self-motivation

“Success is balanced by faults; those who succeed are those people who overcompensate.”
--- Topher, Episode 1, Dollhouse, season 1

“I try to be my best.”

“And are you?”

“What?”

“Are you your best?”

“I’m not sure how to know that”

“I think that if you always try, that’s best”

--- Sierra and Echo, Episode4, Dollhouse, season 1

I used to be the classmate anyone would hate to have. I don’t remember ever cheating back in high school or allowing any classmate to take a peek at my answer sheet during exams. Yeah, I was that bad. I was a grade conscious student then; but then again, so is half the class I was in (I belonged in the cream section). None of my classmates were mean to me though. They just accepted the fact that that’s just the way I am.

I was flattered a lot when my classmates talked about me during my sophomore year in college. No, they didn’t realize I was around; we were at the canteen then, it was lunchtime and the place was so cramped. They were doing the whole Mean Girls thing and were “assessing” classmates (I checked. There was no burn book around). They were talking about how I was busying myself reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets while everyone seems to be too busy reviewing things, cramping notes inside their heads and yet I was acing the tests. They didn’t know though that the secret was reading notes and textbooks three to four chapters in advance at home while watching Charmed (and juggling that with finishing home works of course).

But the next year, I got tired of it. I just felt lost. A friend back in high school said I was experiencing burnout. And maybe I was. (I was frightened though when she said what I was experiencing is irreversible, and my gusto towards what I was doing will never be that strong again. Maybe she was right. But while my gusto was deteriorating, I managed to obtain a government scholarship, compete up to the nationals of our college quiz show, and obtain a spot in the top 20 passers of our professional licensure exam.)

But in the end, my friend was so damn right. My flame was extinguished. I am unhappy. And I am continuing this path of unfulfilled life I am in. I forgot how to overcompensate. I was happy then. Overcompensating. Doing more. But I lost my way.

And now, that Dollhouse quotes I used in the beginning of this entry reminded me of it once more. To do more. To overcompensate. To always try.

I know, my whining and ranting in this entry would not help me. It would not change a thing. And now I will put thoughts into action. I will read notes five chapters ahead while watching TV, figuratively of course.

With this brand new outlook, I’m hoping I would be able to see through this personal task that I had in mind for myself. I have to. And I will.

Little Ashes/ PokerFace

I just finished watching Little Ashes. Yes, initially, I was excited seeing this because it starts Rob Pattinson, you know, the guy playing Edward Cullen from Twilight. But seriously, that’s not the only reason I looked for a copy of this film. It’s a gay themed indie. Plus, it’s loosely (I think) based on what was a romantic relationship between poet Frederico Lorca and painter Salvador Dali, waaay back during the 1920s.

It was a sad movie. A really tragic ending, I’d say. Their relationship ended because they changed. Plus, c’mon, gay relationships during 1920s? There’s no freaking way they’d get their happy ending. But yeah, what’s really heart-breaking about it is that they’ve become… powerless I guess? Powerless against the personal situations they are in. And then after that, they changed. And, they aren’t sexually compatible. If you’d seen the film, you’d know.

What I liked about it is how it showed the development of their romance. It was subtle. It was believable. It was beautiful. I particularly liked the scene where they were swimming on the sea under the light of the full moon. And then they kissed. I was like, who wouldn’t? The mood was so right. Plus there had been sexual tension present between them already.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see just one gay themed (indie perhaps?) film with a happily ever after ending? Oh well, I haven’t seen a lot of same sex happily ever afters, what was I expecting? Maybe in life it would just be enough to enjoy the moment, knowing what’s between the two of you might end eventually. I always believe that it is more challenging to keep up a gay relationship, and I’d say it really is. Other than dealing with the issues you have as a couple, you still have to deal with how the world making it difficult for you to make it.

Anyway, I liked what R-Patz said about Little Ashes in comparison to tweeny film Twilight: (He said this at about 8:40 on the vid.)

"I guess it's devastating. It's when two people essentially fall in love with each other arguably, but no one really knows what the extent of their actual relationship was. It ruins everything in both of their lives. Not so much in Lorca's but it really does destroy a lot of things in Dali. But mainly because he's such an intensely sensitive man. He had so many neuroses about everything. His sanity and his sensibility was such a knife edge his whole life. In Twilight it's kind of the same thing, but they kind of figure it out whereas In Little Ashes they can't figure it out."




Oh, and uh… I now officially now have a crush on Javier Beltran, who plays Lorca on the film.

***

Who likes Lady Gaga? Not my type of songs really, but really, really catchy. Okay, I do like some of her songs. PokerFace, even. But hearing Chris Daughtry sing PokerFace a la Nickelback… whoa! Hear for your self:



Okay, you can download it here. Enjoy..

***

I’m going to pose an age old question to everyone: what’s the definite sign that your liking towards a person’s developed already into love? I always took as doing things selflessly a little bit too much is a definite sign I am falling. I have been feeling really fond of someone, but I have to keep what I feel in check. So whenever I feel my feelings going overboard, I revert into being selfish. Just to not be involved too much.

Weekend Plans

What will I be doing on Sunday? I have work then, probably I will take a leave because of this email I just recieved from a friend:

Dagger,

>>>to ung pupuntahan natin... mag=change sched ka na lang. sabi pati :

Gate 1, South Harbor, Manila Pier 13 (Near Manila Hotel)

If you're travelling from Quiapo (cos i dont know how to get from Katipunan-South Harbor), take a jeepney/FX with a Harrison Plaza sign then alight in Manila City Hall underpass (but dont go down there) then you can see jeepneys with a South Harbor sign right there where you alight. ride the jeepney then tell the driver you have to alight pier 13. :)

If you're going from quirino-taft, take a jeepney/fx with SM Manila City Hall then alight there. Walk down to the underpass to get to the other side of the road then you'll see the jeepney with South Harbor signs then tell the driver you have to alight in pier 13. :) from there, you will see signs/directions going to the ship. you have to walk a little. :)

>>>tapos kain tayo sa harbor view... isama mo si may!!!!!!

Colombian naval training ship to visit Manila July 30-Aug. 2
July 25, 2009, 11:53am

The Armada de la Republica de Colombia (ARC) Gloria, a brig type sail-training ship of the Republic of Colombia, is scheduled to visit the Philippines from July 30 to August 2, 2009. Under the command of Captain Luis Jorge Tovar Neira, ARC Gloria is now on its 63rd cruise to showcase Colombian history to the foreign dignitaries who step onboard and to forge international ties with other countries.

ARC Gloria was named after Mrs. Gloria Zawadsky de Rebeiz, wife of the former Colombian Defense Minister, General Gabriel Rebeiz Pizarro. Inspired by the vision of then commander of the Colombian Navy, Vice Admiral Orlando Lemaitre Torres, to have a Naval Training ship for the needs of his Navy cadets, General Rebeiz signed a peculiar pact on a piece of napkin that stated, “worth one sailboat.”

This, in turn, paved the way for a formal contract to be signed with the Society of Spanish Naval Construction in Bilbao on October 6th of 1966, the result of which is ARC Gloria - a steel-hulled training vessel regally afloat with a length of 76 meters, a beam of 10.6 meters, and a displacement of 1,300 tons.

From then till now, ARC Gloria continues to train and nurture Colombia’s sailors, honing their skills in coastal and astronomical navigation, operations of modern communications equipment, and equipping them with skills and know-how to effectively patrol and defend Colombia’s waters. Aside from this, the training ship has also been providing its students with a unique opportunity to promote Colombia’s rich culture, arts, geography, tourism, and commercial possibilities as they sail around the world. ARC Gloria has already sailed a total of 700,000 miles (equivalent to 30 trips around the world), remained at sea for nearly 6,850 days, and has visited 180 ports in 70 countries, spreading the goodwill of the Colombian nation.

Docking at Pier 13 of the South Harbor, Port Area, Manila, ARC Gloria invites the public to view the scores of pre-Colombian gold and ceramic artifacts on display during guided tours of the ship’s premises on August 1, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and August 2, 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Entrance is free. Onboard to greet guests will be a full crew of 176, around 120 of who are cadets

Nope, I didn't edit the email, except for the "Dagger" part, of course (just replaced my name). Hayy, bahala na. Some real entry to follow soon...

***

I have been weird with my tweets lately. Kasi naman, if someone you consider your friend is such a sloppy liar, tapos you are getting the feeling that the so-called friend really isn’t one, must you do the same? Alam ko, it really shouldn’t matter if your so-called friend doesn’t “befriend” you back, as long as you like him to be your friend. Pero, blatant lies absolutely says “No, you are not my friend, no matter how much friendly I appear to be, and no matter how much I give the impression that I trust you”.

Para Kay B

Tapos ko na basahin ang book ni Ricky Lee. (Actually, matagal ko nang tapos basahin ito). Ayun. Okay lang. Parang may part lang talaga na korny. Basta. Pakiramdam ko, na-desperado na si Ricky Lee kung paano nya pupunuuin ng mga salita yung mga pahinang yun kaya korny lumabas. Ayos naman yung book. Okay naman yung philosophies nito. At talagang sinunod nya yung premise, isa lang talaga ang masaya out of five. Pero parang mali yung statistics. I mean, twenty percent ang masaya? As in yung totoong masaya ah, hindi yung relatively masaya lang. Pakiramdam ko mas mababa pa dun. Siguro maximum na ang ten percent.

Anyway, basta lamang pa rin ang mga miserable. Yun naman talaga yung point nung book eh. Ipaalam sa ating lahat ang alam na natin talaga--- na mahirap magmahal. Na kakayod ka talaga. Mag-eefort. You should be working your ass off. Pero pag tama ang timpla mo (Pop Cola?), maswerte ka. Yun nga lang, statistically speaking e madalas mali timpla natin sa pag-ibig (Daw. I doubt naman kung me statistical study talaga that proves nga na 4 out of 5 ang devastated sa pag-ibig.).

May kaibigan ako, sabi nya gusto nya inaalagaan siya sa isang relasyon. Siya lang daw mag-aalaga kung mahal niya talaga yung tao. Ang gago, ano? Kaya lang, ganun talaga e. He wasn’t really into any of his ex-girls. So yung past relationships niya eh, miserable yung mga ekis nya, hindi lang dahil sa hindi nagpipigil yung kaibigan ko while they are having sex (iniisip ko kung nag-orgasm ba yung mga ekis nya, eh sabi mismo ng kaibigan ko, “seconds” lang daw e tapos na siya agad), kundi dahil sa parang tanga sila na “minahal” yung kaibigan ko (na, inamin naman nya sa kin, sina-satiate niya lang naman yung libido niya). Syempre, yung kaibigan ko rin, pathetic. He’s looking for love but settling for something less. Ouch. Ouch lang talaga. Oh, well.

May kaibigan naman akong feeling ko masyadong hopeless romantic. Masyadong hung-up sa “crush” nya dati. At mataas ang panlasa sa guys (pero yung crush nya, it does not fit her type). Kaya lang, gusto ko sabihin sa kanya, na sa real world na ginagalawan natin pare-pareho, uber-good looking guys (actually, lahat ng guys) would go after girls with very, very attractive and alluring physique. Either mag make-over muna sya or alisin nya ang manang within her. Sabi nga sa forwarded text message sa akin noon, talo daw ang mga magagandang babae sa malanding babae. I don’t know, Maybe my friend just needs to let her hair down a little bit. A little lang ah, I’m not saying she should be a slut.

Siguro nga, masyado nang ideal yung ideal na pag-ibig, parang alamat na lang yun. Ewan. Kasi kahit naman si Ricky Lee siguro, hindi naman eksperto sa pag-ibig. Yung mga Love experts? Ewan. Eksperto siguro sa kompromiso. I think real love is beyond us, so we are lucky if we felt it. What do I know, really? I ain’t an expert myself. I’m just talking my ass off.